Nothin’ but the Facts, Ma’am

20 Feb

Warning: This blog is the first full-on bitch post. I may start rating them in the future so you can decide if you want to read or not. I’d rate this one an Average Bitch since there aren’t any F-Bombs. Or maybe Preachy Bitch. 🙂

Bitch of the Day (actually, it’s a perpetual bitch, but whatev):

Believe it or not, I really don’t like conflict. If I know a confrontation is coming, my heart rate accelerates to the point I think my heart is going to burst out of my chest while my ears turn beet red and itch so badly I could scratch them off.  I will literally spend an entire day rehearsing what I’m going to say in my head so when things come to a head, I have a script to go by. A girl’s gotta be prepared. I get all amped up, ready to put the smack down when I find out that the other party involved had no idea there was a conflict scheduled for the day and it was all just an unfortunate typo. It’s actually a let-down sometimes when things don’t blow up. Therefore, in order to save myself all that effort, stress and high blood pressure, I avoid conflict like the plague when I can.

There are certain topics I avoid in conversation to prevent conflict: religion, politics, abortion, welfare (or any kind of social aid) and global warming. There’s more but those are the big ones.  Some people know what team I bat for so-to-speak on most of those issues but not what position I play on the field. Here’s evidence of what lengths I go to in order to avoid these topics: I’m almost positive that besides my hubby, only my sister and my best friend know what religion I subscribe to. EVERYONE knows what my husband’s beliefs are as he is very vocal about it. I, however, never discuss it. My mother doesn’t even know. When it’s brought up in conversation, I blend into my chair and disappear for all intents and purposes. And no one has bothered to ask, so it works out. Maybe one day I’ll share. Today is not that day. But now you get the point.

So. To come out and speak at length on any of those topics, you really have to demonstrate an unimaginable  level of ignorance that leaves me no choice but to tear you a new ass. That brings us to the status update from Thursday: “Every time you open your mouth, I am surprised at the amount of stupid that falls out of it. #STFU”  This is the G version of what I really wanted to say. I don’t really give two shits what your political affiliation is, who you pray to, if you are pro-…well, I do care about that one but that’s another blog. In any case, I respect everyone’s choices and opinions on the first two items so long as their arguments are coherent, well-thought out and based largely on FACTS. An atheist would argue that religion is not based on facts, but we’re not going there. We’ll say facts based on the best documentation we have, i.e. Bible, Koran, whatever the hell the crazy Scientology guy wrote, etc. Again, you believe whatever you want, honey. But at least take the initiative to know what the hell you’re talking about and stop making shit up. If you can’t take the time to know all the details about YOUR affiliations or beliefs, please for the love of Pete, shut the hell up about mine and everyone else’s. It really makes you look like a schmuck. And no one likes a schmuck. Which might explain why the person who offended me so has lost most of their friends. Hmmmm.

See, whenever someone pisses me off – on politics specifically – I don’t immediately respond. I actually take the time to research the topic at hand, verify if my layman’s knowledge on it is well-based or flawed. Sometimes, I find I am wrong (don’t tell anyone.) At least I take the time to find out before I respond with FACTS. Recycling horseshit you saw on some dunce’s cable show or God forbid, Fox News, does not make you an expert on anything. It makes you sound stupid and smelling of horseshit. AGAIN, I don’t care what your affiliation is. But have enough sense to not take anything at face value. Get in there and dig out the truth. Don’t be lazy. If there’s a bill you think you should be against because everyone in your party is against it, read the damn bill. Don’t just join the mob blindly. If you think America is becoming a Communist country because of Healthcare Reform (which is one the stupidest f’ing things I’ve heard in a long time,) again, read the bill. If you still hate it after reading it and making sure you understand it, then at least you’re well-informed. I’ll respect you in the morning. is your friend, people. As is,, and Get the facts before you word vomit all over my day and incur my wrath.

*EDIT* I have been working on this blog a little here and there over the last couple of days. I had the Bitch of the Day already completed before the whole breastfeeding argument came up that I posted on Facebook this weekend. If you missed it, just go through my posts. I’m going to start referring to it as “Nipplegate.” There may be a blog later. Anyway, it just serves to reiterate what I said above. Fox “News” is bullshit-on-a-stick on its best day. If you take the time to research most of what they report, you’ll find you have been misled. They manipulate information to validate whatever nonsense they are trying to pass off as truth. They know most people won’t bother to check their statistics because they think we’re lazy, easily led automatons at best. Prove them wrong. Don’t rely on a cable news show, no matter what end of the political spectrum they seem to favor, for your information. I’ll STFU now 🙂

Bitchin’ Moment of the Day:

I would just like to say how proud I am of my baby sister. She is in her second semester of college and she’s kicking ass. She had a 4.0 for her first semester and she’s on track to do it again. I can honestly say that I didn’t know if she would ever go to college. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not because I didn’t think she was intelligent enough or that she lacked the desire to. I’ve always known that she could do it if given the opportunity. Opportunity came and she’s worked her ass off ever since. It’s not been easy attending school full-time with two small children but she’s not allowing anything to get her off track. I am the proudest big sister there ever was. I love you, Doodlebug.  (She’s totally gonna kick my ass for calling her that!)

I actually have one more Bitchin’ Moment. My awesome brother-in-law came over and charged the A/C in my truck. Yay! My babies aren’t going to melt now.  It’s too damn hot here in the dirty south to not have air conditioning. Even in February. He really is the best brother-in-law ever. He used his lunch break to come all the way to our house just to take care of me. He didn’t even think twice about it. That’s how he rolls. I love him to pieces.

Later Bitches!


One Response to “Nothin’ but the Facts, Ma’am”

  1. Heather February 21, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

    Awwww! 🙂 Did I mention how much I love you,sis? and i love your blog too.

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