STOP! Potty Time.

23 Feb

Bitch of the Day:

I pretty much haven’t gone to the bathroom by myself in the last five years. If any of my children are awake and I must go, they HAVE to go too.

Whoever said potty-training girls is easier than boys hasn’t met my daughter. We are in the arduous process of potty-training the girl. You may have seen me bitch about her on Facebook. She’s the “painter.” I’ve never heard of a kid that does what she does as often she does. Gross doesn’t even begin to cover it. She’s taken a break from aspiring to be the Rembrandt of fecal-painting, thankfully. Since she is learning to go to the potty, she insists on going anytime I go. Research, I guess. Nothing like having a play-by-play as you’re trying to go. She does this with my mother-in-law as well. Research must be paying off as she has started going to the potty quite a few times a day to pee. She insists on wearing her “painnies” instead of a diaper so things appear to be going in the right direction.  We do have a few accidents a day, however. When she had one today and I told her she couldn’t wear her Dora “painnies” anymore and that she had to put on a diaper, she said matter-of-fact, “Dora sad I pee on her.” I fell out. I still had to clean up pee off the floor, but I was able to smile while doing it.

The oldest has been invading on my private time since day one. Since I was home alone with him during the day and he had horrible colic as a baby, if I wanted to take a shower, brush my teeth, whatever, he had to go in there with me. He would be strapped in his carseat or when he was bigger, in his highchair, just chillin’. You’d think it would be bad enough when you have to have an audience while trying to relax in the shower, but try it with a screaming infant. Luckily, he has pretty much stopped intruding on my bathroom time. Unless the girl has done something to wrong him, then he’ll bust in the bathroom to report every detail of how she has tried to kill him (which usually turns out to be she sat by him on the couch.) Unfortunately for me, though he has stopped intruding so much on my time in the bathroom, I now MUST intrude on his.

He has been potty-trained for a very long time. But, like most kids, he still has not grasped the finer points of the clean-up process. I have been working with him for a while on the how-to’s but inevitably, he has to assume the position. This wasn’t that big a deal, until he started school. Actually, it wasn’t a big deal then as the boy keeps a pretty, regular schedule. He only went at night. But as all things in life, the schedule has changed. To make matters worse, they obviously only have toilet paper in the bathrooms at school. He is used to flushable wipes. Not having a wing man, he’s left to his own devices. As soon as I pick him up from school, he tells me about the presents I’m going to find. He doesn’t even wait for the teacher who helped him in the car to shut the door before he announces this little diddy. Now she gets to walk around with that mental image for the rest of the day. He takes great offense to these messes. He doesn’t want anyone thinking he had an accident. So yesterday he jumps in the car and proudly says, “Mommy! I had to go poop at school today but I really didn’t want to get poop on my underwear so I, uh, I left toilet paper on my butt so poop wouldn’t get on my clothes.” As the only person in this house that does laundry, I couldn’t have been prouder. Quite the little genius I have there. His next sentence was, “Can I take a bath when we get home after you clean my butt?” Nice.

Lil’ Man has already followed suit. If I’m in the bathroom with the girl, he’ll roll on up in his walker to join the party. Fortunately, the walker won’t fit through the door so he just sits outside giggling, crying, etc. I wind up trying to entertain him with peek-a-boo or singing while seeing that the girl hasn’t made a mess as I am trying to engage in one of life’s supposed private moments. My husband is famous for his bathroom stays. He uses that time to unwind, read, sit in silence, whatever. It’s a relaxing experience for him. Not for me. I need a vacation just so I can use the damn john.

Bitchin’ Moment of the Day:

The girl is talking more and more everyday, putting together more complex strings of words. She’s also playing pretend now and making up songs. On the same day as the boy’s toilet paper discovery, we were on our way to pick him up when she began singing, “Sossie is the princess…Sossie is the Princess…(pause)…I AM the princess!” She was dancing along to her own little song and it was hilarious.  She’s also learning manners, kinda. If you tell her ‘Thank you’ for anything, she says, “You welcome.” If you tell her ‘Good job!’ she says, “You welcome.” LOL! But forget getting her to say ‘Thank you.’ You’ll get, “I not!”

I had a spa party tonight. It was awesome seeing some of my favorite ladies. 🙂 I’m glad I got to help our cousin get her business started selling BeautiControl. My party did a lot better than I ever expected it to so that was a nice surprise. Yay for free skin stuffs! I also imbibed a few alcoholic beverages which made me a very happy bitch indeed. Time for cake then bed.

Later Bitches!

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