Ah….Ummm…..Er….WTF?!?!?!?!

25 Jan

Bitch of the Moment:

It’s happened. I’m finally come across something that is so COMPLETELY fucking ridiculous, I have no words. It has left me dumbfounded and just, WHAT THE FUCK?!? I….uhhhh…..yeah. Read THIS and then come back. I’ll wait.

Someone please tell me this is a gag. I read this aloud to the hubby because, well first, I wanted someone’s else’s brain to melt from the absurdity. But I kinda had to say it out loud to believe this is something really going on out there. The hubs was just as taken aback as I was. He said it couldn’t be real; it had to be a troll. For the love of Prada, someone tell me he’s right. My fucking eyes are bleeding from having read it.

What psycho-mom does this? My mom didn’t handle the whole “starting” thing well when my time came* but I infinitely prefer her response to this, this….fuck, whatever kinda response this is.

* Exact conversation that occurred when I discovered I had become a woman (a euphemism that still crawls all over me):

” Mom!” I yelled from the bathroom.

“What?” She yelled back.

“I, uh, I started.” 

“Pads are under the sink.”

End of conversation.

My mom didn’t sit down with me, explain how or what to use, ask how I was feeling or if I had any questions. She left me to my own devices because she knew I could handle it on my own. She sure as shit didn’t dare suggest I invite all my besties over to play deranged tampon games, thereby humiliating me and scarring me for life. I have no hang-ups on periods. I don’t feel I was deprived of a “special” moment or bonding experience because my mom reacted the way a lot of moms react. She didn’t take my experience and turn it into her experience. She knew that if I had questions, I’d come to her on my own as I did with everything else in life.

Maybe I’m the weird one. Hanging out with my girls, discussing the bane of our existence ad nauseam and trying to convince ourselves that it’s butterflies and rainbows coming out of our hoo-has instead of just uterine lining is not my idea of a fun night. I bitch about my periods just like everyone else and then I move on. I don’t reflect on the beauty of it or how it makes me “special” because guess what? It doesn’t. There’s a billion other bitches out there bleeding, too. Other bitches that didn’t need a “Period Party” to cope with a basic biological function. Jeebus Krizzle! People are stupid!

Bitchin’ Moments:

I still feel dirty from the stupid that I am now covered in from having read that. Something has to replace it. Like now.

So without further ado, here are some of the gems that we have uncovered recently. I like to call them “WTF LULZ!” Enjoy:

You know you’re jealous of their legs. Also, I want to take the turn they do in this video and work it into a line-dance. So. Not. Kidding.

“Come on now and take a chance! Come on please, do that booby dance!”

“Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit. Honey badger just takes what it wants.” It wasn’t until our own “Honey Badger” didn’t take what he wanted in that game (puke) that I was finally introduced to Randall. My life wasn’t complete before.

I was introduced to Marcel at a party (all parties lead to YouTube I have found) by one of my favorite college students. At first you’re all like, “Huh? Wha?” but then you find yourself thinking about it hours later laughing to yourself. Come here….Come here….I love you…. Lulz!

Later Bitches!

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11 Responses to “Ah….Ummm…..Er….WTF?!?!?!?!”

  1. van Buying October 21, 2016 at 1:21 am #

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  2. infinityexhibits.com September 18, 2016 at 6:27 am #

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  3. Bet on Rugby Union Online April 28, 2016 at 5:32 am #

    Highly energetic article, I enjoyted that a lot. Will there be a part 2?

  4. Erik Rubright January 25, 2012 at 9:43 pm #

    Why were no boys invited to this Period party?

    And on that note, what sicko designed the Kotex packaging with the big red exploding flowers on them? That’s just not right.

    • bitchinmommy January 25, 2012 at 11:21 pm #

      I know, right?

      You boys are already excluded from the “talk” all the girls receive in that secret meeting they hold in grade school. I think boys should be included in that damn thing, too.

      Why shouldn’t you know what the hell is going on in a girl’s body? Y’all should be as creeped out and uncomfortable as we females are and I can finally stop listening to boys bitch about not getting to go. It’s like some men think we were having a girl pillow fight or something. Or maybe they think we had snacks……

      I miss you! I miss your updates and blog posts. Where oh where has my lil’ Erik with a “k” been???

  5. Jennifer January 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    I came over from “People I Want to Punch in the Throat”. People are down right crazy today about what they will throw a party over! I saw a “potty training party” on another blog and it was so over the top I about died. Kids already think they need to be rewarded every second of the day – now we are throwing parties left and right every time they do something everyone else goes through? Nuts.

    Take care,
    Jennifer

    • bitchinmommy January 25, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

      My thoughts exactly. If you make everything special, then nothing is special. I don’t know this mother as a person so I’m not going to say she’s a bad person or even a bad mom, but come on! I’d be less inclined to call her a “psycho-mom” if there was any input in the article as to how her daughter felt about this party before it happened. Did she approach her mom and ask for it? Did her mom mention it in passing and she thought it was a totally awesome idea for her and her bff’s? Or did she turn as red as her maxi pad in embarrassment? I would have been mortified!

      To be fair, I wrote this last night very quickly in a knee-jerk reaction to the article. I had to get it out of my head before I imploded. This morning I decided maybe I should delve a bit further into the parties to see if they were commonplace events. Most of the articles I found (except the one I linked,) mention their daughter’s initial resistance to the idea. Every justification for the event led back to mother, NOT the daughter. It’s almost like they have some repressed feelings about their menstruation so they are forcing these parties to “help their daughters” so they can live vicariously through them. I don’t know. I’m not a damn shrink. It’s just….odd. Yeah, odd. That’s the nicest word I can come up with at the moment.

      Thank you so much for stopping by. I love new readers and I will definitely go now and check out your blog! I must also pop over to PIWTPITT and give Jen mad thanks for all the traffic she has created for me today. It truly has been awesome!

  6. Melissa Pointer January 25, 2012 at 11:29 am #

    my grandmother would be turning over in her grave right now, this is NOT something a young lady should be discussing. Now my gran, she was ALWAYS up for a good party, but oh my…she would have had a stroke if she heard of such a thing as a period party. Just awful!

    • bitchinmommy January 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm #

      The only “appropriate” period party is one you throw once your period shows up after that drunken escapade you had with Raul, in which the condom mysteriously disappeared. In that scenario, it’s EXPECTED you throw some kind of party. No Raul-babies! Yay!!!!! Periods FTW! Or something like that.

  7. Kayci January 25, 2012 at 12:55 am #

    I’m sooo glad you never invited me to any bullshit like that! BTW, Marcel is the shit! 🙂

    • bitchinmommy January 25, 2012 at 7:55 am #

      I’d rather gouge my eyes out than host or attend anything even remotely similar to these “parties.” I want to poll the girls who attended this shindig 10 years from now and ask them them one solitary event in their lives that fucked them up/humiliated them/was the most awkward/left them with that “no-so-fresh” feeling and I guarantee, this party would be number one on the list. I sincerely cannot get my head around this thing. Who the fuck does this?????

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