Makin’ Whoopie

BITCH OF THE DAY:

Pies, perverts. I am referring to whoopie pies. Some of you know that I fancy myself as a baker. I love discovering new pastries to try out and improving ones I’ve made throughout the years. Just don’t ask me to decorate a cake because it will end up an ugly mess. It will be delicious, just not anything you’d want to be seen in public with.  Kinda like how I imagine it would be having sex with Ron Jeremy. I mean, he HAS to be good at it after all the sex he’s had but who the hell wants to see that up close and personal???

Anywho, I discovered whoopie pies a few years ago. If you’ve never had one, go out and find the closest place that makes them. They are so worth the effort.  They are not really pies, truth be known. They are little cake “sandwiches” with a creme filling. I make them every few months or so from scratch. Mine are made of chocolate cake and a marshmallow creme but you can get them in all kinds of flavors these days. This is what WIN looks like:

Sooooo, when I saw there was a red velvet whoopie pie mix at my local grocery store, I couldn’t resist. I mean, it’s freakin’ red velvet and it’s already mixed up for you. No measuring, no mess, no marshmallow to get all over the place. All you add are the wet ingredients, and voila! Into the oven they go. Easy as, well, pie. Or so I thought. When they were done baking, the little cakes weren’t fluffy little pillows of heaven. They were flat, ugly little things from hell that stuck to the pan because they were so sticky. After I managed to scrape them off the pan, I made the “cream cheese” filling to go in the centers. I put that in quotes since the “cream cheese” came in powder form and smelled nothing like the real stuff. I did taste it and it didn’t taste like cream cheese either. It tasted similar to what I would think tanning lotion tastes like. It had a that coconut-y flavor to it. In any case, it was ass. I went ahead and finished putting them together since I had invested so much time in this convenient baking endeavor even though my heart was no longer in it. The kids ate them but they eat food off the floor so you really can’t trust their judgement. The hubby ate one, I think. I know he didn’t eat more than one, though, which is a sign he didn’t care for them. I got a few nibbles into one before I waved the white flag. What a waste of a perfectly good evening. I let convenience and fancy schmancy flavors seduce me into being lazy instead of just sticking with the tried and true. I’ll still try to make these wonderful little cakes in different flavors in the future, just not with a mix. If you want something done right, do it your damn self. This is what FAIL looks like:

Bitchin’ Moment of the Day:

Looking at Lil’ Man today, I realized just how much he’s grown and developed in the blink of an eye. He’s been sitting up now on his own for about a month (which scares the shit out me on the tile floors throughout this house.) He can crawl, sit up, then get back down on his belly to crawl some more. This is really sad, but he is more flexible than I will ever be. I’ve seen this boy do the splits, full-on center splits, several times like it’s nothing.  Watching him is like watching a Yoga class take place in my living room. This past week he has started holding his bottle on his own and feeding himself. That may not seem like a big deal to most since he is 8 months-old now – BUT – he was exclusively breastfed up until now, very rarely getting bottles.  His fat ass wants food so bad, he’s done gone and figured out how to get it himself. But the very best thing of all, he says, “Mommom ma mommom.” 🙂 The other two kids said “Dada” first. He looks right at me and says it as he reaches for me.  No matter how mad, tired, pissed or bitchy I am at that moment, those words bring me joy like nothing else.

Later Bitches!